So I was sitting there the other day watching my girlfriend change the oil
in my car, and I was getting pissed because she kept struggling when she tried
to unscrew the filter. I was even more pissed than usual because I
was playing videogames as I supervised her from inside the house, until I
finally had to put the controller down and go outside to yell at her.
I stood out there in my underwear on a Saturday morning
screaming at the top of my lungs. Then my neighbor, who's a total pussy,
comes by and says "you shouldn't be yelling at your girlfriend like that."
I wasn't going to stand there and just take it, so I socked him one right in
the colon. His wife was bringing groceries inside when this happened, and
as if it wasn't bad enough that I had to stop playing video games to go
outside and yell, now this bitch was screaming at me like
it was my fault.
I couldn't understand what she was shrieking about, as she was flapping her
arms in the air and screaming. She started
crying when she saw the busted colon I gave her pussy husband, so she took one
of her shoes off and threw it at me. I caught the shoe between my pecs
and I started to laugh like a pirate. Then she started walking towards
me to take her shoe back, and there was no way I was going to let this bitch
get near my chest so I body slammed her into a cactus that happened
to be there. She got up and was uglier than before, so I did what I
always do when women start to cry: I went back inside to play video games.
That wasn't the end of it though, it turns out the cranky old hag across
the street saw all of this going on, so she came over to do what
women do best: bitch. When I opened the door she was standing there in
a partly transparent night gown, and it totally ruined the prospect of
having a boner for at least 50 years. I was just starting to change my
mind about the
night gown when she started screeching at me
and her stupid cat that she was holding started to hiss. So I took the cat
and punted it over my neighbor's fence. She started crying "oh no! My cat!
What have you done with my cat?!" I was laughing my ass off, then the bitch
tried to scratch me so I gave her a round house kick and dislocated her hip.
I was laughing so hard I shit my pants.
| 